It’s been 9 years since Lewy exploded on the scene.  I was away at the time and did not enter the picture until 6 months later.  But it’s been a wild, unexpected, dramatic 9 years.  Complete with 7 unexpected traumatic surgerires including 3 hip fractures, 1 femur fracture, and other emergency surgeries.

I never knew it would last this long.  And I’m glad I didn’t know.  If I would’ve known I might have curled into a fetal position and sobbed uncontrollably.  Not just Lewy and the 7 other surgeries, but my own health and then a very severe factor that I can’t mention that easily 10x the hard.

Yet I’m still here.  I still don’t know if we’ll make it keeping her home.  I hope so.  But she is starting to get mildly combative.  Today she punched me which was only at the force of someone bumping into you.  But it’s the fact that she is coming into that phase.

I am grateful for my friends in this time.  They have supported me on sobbing phone calls, financial gifts, cards and words of encouragement.  It’s hard as they try to understand but they really don’t.  And yet they are there and that matters.

Mom has not been able to use her legs since her last hip fracture earlier this year.  She hasn’t been able to use her arms or fingers for a long time either.  Or see well (hasn’t been able to watch tv for years).  Or talk well.  It’s always work to figure out what she is trying to say.  But the kitty still sits in her lap daily (although I’m not sure she is such a fan).  She still experiences familiar faces.  And is in her own home.  With people that love her.  Things things matter.

Personally I’m a much better person.  And I’m so much more worse.  I’m so haggard that people don’t recognize me.  And worst of all, while good ways away from 65, I received my first senior citizen discount at the barber shop the other day.  I’m hoping it was because they thought it was for my mom who is usually with me.

When this season ends I’ll have to leave quickly.  And I hope to go just hide for a year.  I’ve gained a lot of weight and when I try to change my eating habits, I just feel too emotionally exhausted to try.  I’m hoping that will change with the seasons.

It’s been some rough years.  I wouldn’t want to repeat a one of them.  But I’m still standing even if mom isn’t.  And I will continue the best I can to keep her home to the end.  So help me God.