For some this year was extremely disruptive.  For me, it wasn’t.  It was the crises of caregiving as usual.  Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise.  Being a caregiver means being a recluse pretty much.  There’s not time for friends, especially making new ones when you’ve been away for so many years.

Mom is in tough shape although holding her weight.  She has a lot of challenges and sometimes are really, really hard.  Other days are just hard and some days are Ok.

As a caregiver I’m really struggling.  I think I have a rotator cuff tear and it’s making transfers really difficult with mom.  I’m also in a lot of pain.  I go to the doctor next week but then what?  What can be done that won’t take away from mom so much?

Tough times.

A lot has happened this year for the world.  None of us are the same.  I think 2021 will be quite eventful as well.

I would love to be with a group of friends for a New Year’s Eve celebration.  But as I said, after being away so many years and coming back to the thick of medical drama, crisis, LBD, caregiving, going out and making friends requires more emotional reserves than I have.  Maybe one day those days will return.  I forget what normal looked or felt like.

But I do have friends that have called and texted.  That’s been super great.  They’ve been a lifeline.

For now, one day at a time.  One step at a time.

I don’t know what 2021 will look like.  One can only guess.  I don’t know what needs to change but something does.