Yesterday I saw a news article in the front page of our local news about a homeless man.  He was an older gentleman and his story piqued my interest.  He had once had a job, a house, a car and pretty much all that he needed.  But then he had a stroke.  It put him in a position he couldn’t work and take care of himself.  His medical bills mounted.  And the next thing he knew he was trying to find warmth on a heat-soaking part of the earth’s dirt.

It made me think, where is his family?  His children?  Cousins?  Relatives?  Friends?   Where is his help?  Thankfully he reached out and through some government programs after a year of living in the dirt they were able to get him into a small place and help him.

I think it is scary to me for reasons I won’t go into it.  But it also made me think of this care-giving journey.  When I first started I did like so many other people and jumped into facebook groups.  If one does that, it should only be for a very, very short time.  While I did find some helpful information, what I found mostly was negativity, anger and really quite a dark environment.  One person wrote on a post, “My _______ has ruined my life.”  The person they were referring to had dementia.

In many ways it does take a part of our lives away.  I’ve spent now almost a decade as a caregiver to my grandmother and now my mother.  I have hopes and dreams and desires, and yet I find myself taking care of someone in a very, very extreme environment.  There is much pressure from others to “just put her in a home and get on with your life.”

I don’t for a myriad of reasons I’m utterly exhausted in explaining to people.  So much so that when a new person comes into the picture and says, “Have you tried…?”  and “Why don’t you…?”  I get angry.  Overly angry.  Unfairly angry.  It’s just that I’m tired of everyone’s opinions about their sure way to do things best.  And the person in front of me doesn’t understand that they are only #1,343,233 in line.  They think they are the only one who has asked such questions.  Sorry for the rant.

But anyway, I’m taking care of her home as I feel that’s the best place for any of us, especially in our pandemic times.  I take seriously that Scripture that says, ‘If we don’t care for our family in their time of need, then we are worse than unbelievers’ (1 Tim 5:8).

In this journey I’ve sacrificed everything I know.  My hopes, dreams, finances, sleep and many things I can’t write about online.  But why?

Somewhere along this journey you come to the realization that this life is about taking care of one another.   We are born into families to take care of one another and provide for each other.  And then we are also to look to those who don’t have that family support system and reach out to them as well.  “Pure religion is to look after the widows and orphans” (Jms 1:27).

It’s what we are made for.  We are made to care for one another with our gifts, our talents, our skills and our love.  Sometimes we get to work in areas where we enjoy and our gifts and talents are used.  Sometimes we work out of love where we don’t necessarily we enjoy everything we do but we are serving others.

Lately I’ve been dwelling on the thought of all the interests and desires I’ve had through my life.  All the things I enjoy but haven’t had time to pursue.  Flickers of who God has made me.  The truth is, there isn’t time in this life to explore those things.  There just isn’t.

But I’ve been wondering more and more and thinking more and more that I believe we will get to pursue all those hearts ambitions in heaven.  Heaven isn’t just a place of singing hallelujah for 10,000 years.  It is the eternal place where we worship God with great joy and all that He has made us for is restored.  And that means exploring the fullness of who we are as people. So that even those who have died from tragic circumstances at a young age will be able to still be who God made them to be.

The significance of this is that we can be at peace if we don’t get to explore and do all that is in our heart to do.  We will have time for those things in the life to come.  So if for now that means we need to sacrifice ourselves for someone else, we can do that.   If we have eternal perspective, our lives can’t be “ruined” because we have spent a decade or more as a caregiver.  In fact being a caregiver gives us more clarity on life.  Serving someone changes us in ways that we cannot even know, if we can serve with joy.

So do I like being exhausted, overweight, almost no in-person friends, judged and more?  Not at all.  I am not the “nurse” type that likes to do these things but that doesn’t matter.  It isn’t even a thought most days.  And if I do think that, I crash pretty quickly.  But there’s more the story.

I remember in the first couple of years thinking that if I could get mom through this season of her life, keeping her at home as she desires and giving her a good sunset years, that it would be one of the greatest accomplishments of my life.  After year 3 exhaustion has hit so severely that those nice thoughts have faded.

But when it is all said and done and the season is over and I have rest and friends and a life again, then I think that sense will come back.  Because it is true.  When we care for one another we have fulfilled life’s greatest purpose as humans.