Last year was so awful that it cannot even be described on a public post. Too many people involved. It was enough that mom was in full blown Lewy Body Dementia symptoms and she only slept an hour a night. The other hours were all about her trying to escape the latest hallucinations. That alone would’ve been enough but the people situations surrounded her LBD… Oh my. It was a year of absolute and utter survival. Every breath was making it to the next hour and hopefully the next day. But then we took a different route with her treatment plan and things turned dramatically. Although the people situations around it did not.
But now it’s a new season. God has done miracles and while the people situations aren’t resolved, they’re not a fever pitch anymore. Mom’s symptoms are also 90% resolved, although she still needs 100% full time care.
The strange thing is the last few weeks I feel like I’m “waking up” again. Projects I started several years ago but completely forgot have a renewed interest. Things that mattered to me before the tornado struck are starting to matter again. And scary of all scaries, I’m starting to think of things I might want to do. Not sure that I can do them given the circumstances of being a full-time caregiver but just that the thoughts are starting to resurface.
I don’t know how to handle all this honestly. I’m still very limited in what I can do. But I’m now doing what I can. I’m working on a book again. Not a book that has anything to do with this situation but a historical Biblical fiction I started a few years ago. And I’m starting to read books again. These little things are small but they remind me I’m still in there somewhere. The storm is still rolling through and even as I speak, tension is all through the house with certain family members raging and acting like an ***(certain words I think but don’t want to). I just have to remind myself this is a season. It is a bitter-sweet one. It’s a journey. But God is still here. And so am I.