One-armed caregiving has been a little bit of challenge.  Mainly because the slightest wrong movement takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes.  A rotator cuff tear is painful.  Just about an hour ago I slipped on the snow and grabbed the stair railing.  It was terrible intense pain for about 10 seconds, and throbbing until now.  No fun.

And then last night, well the last two nights, I’ve had a Flower for Algernon moment.  I don’t even want to talk about that book as it is too haunting.

But dementia is very generation, especially for women.  My grandmother had your typical dementia and Alzheimers and I thought that was bad.  Then my mother has Lewy Body Dementia and that is awful.  The worst actually.  And I wonder outside of a miracle of God what is stalking me.

I already fail the peanut butter test.  If you can smell peanut butter from one nostril and not the other one it can be a sign of early onset dementia.  It might be years away, but the body is saying that it is coming.

And then the last two nights I’ve had terrible jitters at night.  It struck me…am I sundowning?  It’s awful and happens at night and is just like mom’s jitters.  NO!!!!!!!!

And then this morning I realized I hadn’t paid my bills.  I never do that.  Ever.  And yet it didn’t even cross my mind.  So I realize I have to put up reminders as I don’t want stung with late fees.

I’m way too young.  But I feel my brain is fuzzy.  Fatigue?  Absolutely.  Stress?  Definitely.  But the last two nights of extreme jitters at sundown was scary.  Am I going to be early on this path?  Who will take care of me if that is the case?  Is there a miracle for me?