Two Years. It’s Been Two Years.

Today I woke up and have been tearful.  Today has been two years since she went away.  I miss her.  She was my best friend.  But even more, she was the anchor of my life.  Life has felt un-moored since she has gone.

This second year has been hard.  I had been told it would be harder.  But I think it was different than I thought.

I assumed the grief would be harder.  For me, that hasn’t been the case.  What has been harder has been missing someone who, by her presence, brought a stabilizing factor in my life.  I knew that no matter what happened, my mom would receive me, do her best to encourage me, offer a hug, and be in my corner.

I have not found that since.

Today I will go visit her grave, eat her favorite ice cream, and think on her.

I’m glad for the time we had together, no matter that it was almost unbearably difficult.  I’m glad for the years of caregiving.  All the memories we made and travels we took.

I’m also glad I did not go the way of traditional pharmaceuticals and had a different experience than many.

I wish she were here.  I really need a hug today from someone.  From her would be best.  But that isn’t going to happen.  And likely won’t happen from someone else.

I haven’t told people that today is the anniversary of her death.  For me, it’s too holy of a day.

Today, it’s just about me and the memories I have of my mother.

Love you mom.

Miss you.

See you soon.

I know, I know, not too soon.  But still, I will see you soon when God calls me home as well.