Talking with other caregivers has let me know that grief guilt is real. What is grief guilt? It is feeling guilty that you are not grieving as much as you think you should.
Many grieve deeply and in sharp ways. But not all grief looks like this. Sometimes grief does not hit as often or as sharp or as deeply as we think it should.
So we feel guilty. Guilty that we are not grieving enough.
With caregiving though, or with someone who has chronic illness, what we don’t realize is that there is an expectation of death. So in many ways, grieving is happening continuously, but not always consciously. It happens when you are just trying to survive the caregiving journey.
When death comes, it is not so unexpected.
When death is unexpected and abrupt, that’s truly when grief can hit hard.
Those with grief guilt still have hard days. The tears burst out unexpectedly. It’s just that sometimes you can feel guilty that you should be grieving almost every day.
So if this is you, and you are not grieving as much as you thought, know that others are sharing the same experience. It’s not an indication that you didn’t love well. It’s just that you processed a lot of grief before their passing.
