Month: December 2019

Christmas 2019

I’m so happy to be with my loved one.  Another Christmas.  No, everything was not easy and peachy.  In fact, every day is difficult and hard, a mountain to overcome.  But always it is worth it.  Harder I think will be the days without her.   It’s something I think of often. I also think often of 2020.  Everything seems to point to it to being a life-altering year.  There are at least 5 loved ones I know that very possibly could slip into eternity.  But you never can predict who that will be in any given year.  Could even be...

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Sometimes things go right

Almost everyday for weeks now I collapse into my bed feeling defeated.  I’ve gotten impatient, said something not so delicately, or did something with frustration.  And if in town the slightest bit of impatience gets judgmental looks from any passerby.  They have no clue.  But I try.  Hard.   Every day I pray for help and it seems every day I fail. And then today.  Today I realized in a single day there are hundreds of moments where I get up to get her something to eat, stuff a pillow under head, adjust her chair to be more comfortable,...

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The Fight for Dignity

Fighting for dignity is a daily fight because the fight comes on so many different levels.  The one that really irks me is the one where my mom is the local zoo animal.  People come to visit who haven’t visited in literally decades to see the “woman with dementia.”  Grrr.  Or when we go places where she is known people are seen whispering to one another.  Or when we go to a place where she used to be everyone wants to see her to gossip about her.  It is really hurtful and I try to protect her from that....

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The ONLY happy place

My loved one reduces to tears pretty quickly over everything and nothing these days.  But when things are bad, there is one thing that snaps her back to her baseline–a car drive. Within 60 seconds of driving she snaps out of whatever psychological state she is in.  I think part of it is the movement affects the vestibular part of her brain.  Getting outdoors helps her to feel less cooped up.  And going somewhere, anywhere, makes her feel like she’s changing her situation. So we drive.  And drive.  And drive.  Tens of thousands of miles.  Round and round in...

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